Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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