so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
