currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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