i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
