i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
