It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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