Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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