i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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