The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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