'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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