My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
