Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
