If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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