Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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