dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
