My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
