Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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