I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
