i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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