Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
