I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize