We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
