I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
