is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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