Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
