wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
