it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
