i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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