Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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