so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
