I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
