Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize