haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
