I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
