Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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