i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
