How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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