Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
