do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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