Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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