Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
