good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
