so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
