I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
