Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
