If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
