If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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