it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
