i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
