I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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