I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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