First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
