the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
