Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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