At least make sure they are 18
Why
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
