I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
