It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
