Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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