somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
