I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
