I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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