everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
