There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we're making bets on your personal life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
