I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
