I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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