How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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