I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
