"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
