How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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