i jhust puked up my retainher.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
