Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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