That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
