just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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