you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
