Where is the hickey?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
