There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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