Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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