It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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