Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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