I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
