1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
