I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
