I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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