So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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