well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
