How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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