He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
