I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
