After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
