Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize