i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize