he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
