I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
how drunk are you?
Several
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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