when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I smell like Dick and happiness
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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