If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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